Is it just me, or is it a bit crafty in here?

Well I forgot to take pictures of the little notebooks, so maybe those will come later. But for now, I would like to introduce you to my new and current obsessive busywork: upcycled paper beads!!!! Just imagine the endless piles of scrap mail waiting to be rolled up & covered in clear varnish. :)

Please pardon my wrinkly old lady hands. These are THE funnest things ever. Time-consuming, but so satisfying to my craftapetite right now.
And just for fun, some recent snapshots:

x o x o,
B

Had to Share...

I just ran across this "resume" in one of my oooold baby/parenting magazines this morning(Parenting magazine, Aug. 2006, article written by Suzanne Stipe Persaud):

[insert name here]
address, 123 123 lane
whereveryou are, WA 98303

OBJECTIVE     Obtain a position where I can utilize the diverse skills obtained in the fast-paced world of parenting.
EXPERIENCE      Waste-Management Consultant
(2001-present)         Dispose of more remains than Tony Soprano, including one-legged action figures and
 the art projects that "mysteriously" disappear in the middle of the night.
                               Engineer
                               (Practically) earned an advanced degree in toy assembly. Successfully completed the final project: assembling a ride-on pony at 2 a.m. on Christmas.
                              Detective
                              Solved hundreds of cases, including "The Mysterious Brown Stain on the Carpet" and "Who's Been Eating Mommy's Favorite Cookies?" Hope to crack the case " Midnight Appearance of the Toddler Dressed In Inside-Out and Upside-Down Pajamas."
                             Singer
                             Entertain small and large crowds with a diverse repertoire, ranging from the Blue's Clues theme song to the Rolling Stone's "(Can't Get No) Satisfaction."
                             Technician
                            Quickly, and with very little swearing, extract Legos from DVD player and pick pennies from between computer keys.
                            Food Scientist
                            Create well-balanced meals in which no item touches another, and instantaneously turn "peas" into "magic green grow pellets."
                           Actor
                           Realistically convey enthusiasm for up to three consecutive games of Go Fish. Emmy-worthy performances include "Good Job on the Potty!" and "Mommy's Not Mad, She Just Needs a Time-Out."
                          Coach
                          Lead my team to many successes, including sharing for longer than seven seconds

SKILLS            *Handling demanding bosses
                          *Tracking down lost blankets
                          *Distracting Hungry clients with only a set of keys and a travel pack of tissues
AWARDS       The Butterfly Kiss Award, the "I Wuv U" prize, and the coveted "Mommy, You're the Best" Honor

REFERENCES     Please contact two happy, healthy kids and one (mostly) satisfied husband.


That sums it up. :) And no, the format was not intentional. I tried to fix it, but that's just how my silly blog arranged it.
If I am as awesome as I think I am, I will post some pictures later of my recent craftyfull endeavors: little recycled notebooks, and junkmail paper beads!!
Love,
~Bea

Noggin Nuggets...

Currently experiencing self-imposed mom guilt about:

• The fact that both of my daughters, under the age of 6 (gasp!), are fully aware of what "make-up" is, and have worn it on multiple occasions. All in the name of dress-up, of course. But then I stumble across various posts by supermoms who wax eloquently about their campaign to keep their kids safely sheltered from things like eyeshadow and Star Wars.
• How much time I spend with my back to my babies. Seriously, how many pins do I need to pin to this cleverly disguised new evil warlord of the internet known as Pinterest? I go through seasons of being a champion of crafts and face time and reading aloud all the books that Dr. Seuss has written. And then there is this awful drought of selfish choices and "mommy will be right back," pause, eat, repeat. Depressing.
• Feeling the strong desire, nay, conviction, to scratch the homeschool bandwagon adventures for the hope of the glory of a Montessori school next year (more gasping! whaaa? is that bea backing out on yet another far-fetched proclamation? yep).
• The price of groceries, and how they directly relate to the current state of our cupboards right now. I mean okay, I definitely make a guided effort to reach for the healthier version of the foods we usually consume. But dang, can a broke mama get a break with all this UNREASONABLY EXPENSIVE organic grub?? I feel like the amount of goldfish cracker consumption in our household lately has reached a high threat level.
• the fact that we don't go anywhere! Cripes, the park is just getting old! I had these imaginary visions, as a kid, that when I was a grown-up parent I would do whatever it took for my kids to get beyond the four walls of their playroom and out across the oceans. That of course was before I had a concept of the cost of living, especially with children. Boo. Bills-1 hundred million infinity times 2, Travel-0

So there ya have it. a little bit of a pity party, I know. I'll be better in the morning. Wait, it's already morning? Damn it. Maybe we'll at least have another shining Fall day. :)

Much love,
B

I've Gotta Have You...

This weekend we celebrated the anniversary of the day I became a mom, a.k.a the the 5 year-old's birthday party. On that chilly October day 5 years ago, the sky split open in a flash of light and sweat and tears and breathless wonder. Upon my chest was placed the most terribly wonderful little creature I had ever laid eyes on: Makayla Joy Ensunsa. There was nothing in all of my existence that I could possibly liken or compare this moment to. I had previously thought that being pregnant was the craziest thing ever, that I could not possibly be more uncomfortable, more "inconvenienced",  more uncertain about what lay ahead from one day to the next for me. Little did I know, the journey of carrying her in my belly was but a shadow of the parenting paradox: to be given a treasure that you never want to let go of, only to find that to truly love it is to let it go. I have never been the same, and I wouldn't want to be. Oh, how I adore my sweet Kayla Joy. :)

Crackers.

Well,  it's been a while...And honestly I'm not ready to unpack all the things swirling in my head, but I still feel compelled to reach out into blogland and assert my sanity, to some degree. So instead of trying to make any kind of insightful point, I just want to unload the jumbalaya of life in it's present state.

House: thrashed.
Makayla's schoolworkings: to be continued.
Photos: never seem to finish being edited.
Kids: half-clothed.
Lightbrights:ALL OVER THE FLOOR.
Blanket forts: taking up the living room.
Bank account: mostly on "E"
crafts: what crafts?
Me: pajamas, coffee, and Cheese-its for breakfast.

In spite of overwhelming moments, God is SO VERY good and great and gracious. As I responded to a multiple little Facebook comments and inquiries from multiple friends and family members, I had to smile. What a blessing to be living life with people! I count myself a dearly loved person, knowing that at any given moment, by the grace and provision of God, I am hemmed in behind and before, and I couldn't be alone even if I wanted to. Years ago, I could not make such a statement with full confidence. Moreso than being known by people, though, I'm thankful for the revelation of being fully known AND embraced by my Creator. That right there is fantastic news and a salve for my soul, because I think I know myself pretty well, and even in my finite ability to understand things, I sure don't measure up to the high standards of worth and intelligence and beauty in this world. I matter to God, notwithstanding all the shortcomings, and I am finally finding joy in that.
 (I guess I was ready to unpack my feelings after all, funny how cathartic this bloggery is, huh? hehe).
Thanks for listening!

-B

Looking forward to that morning joy...

Oh, my weeping heart. Try as I might, I cannot escape the aching and emptiness that is brought on by the death of a loved one. Goodbye and goodnight, Grampa Ron. See you on the other side. :'(

Show me a day when the world wasn't new...

Homeschooling adventures update
week 2: EPIC FAIL
week3 (this week): a little better.
     *chutes and ladders again, except we used addition to determine the number of spaces to go instead of a spinner
     * "Your baby can read" flash cards and wipe-off books
     *Trying out a '50 states' poster, discussing U.S. geography in toddler terms
     *Trying out milk-paints idea from http://www.modernparentsmessykids.com/, a sight which I am adoring right now. You should check it out!
     *I'm one email closer to enrolling MK in the Columbia Virtual Academy program. Pretty much just a bunch of paperwork left to shuffle.

Things that are awesome about life today:
     *My husband and kids are alive and well.
     *My craft area is finally starting to take shape and become a functional space for creating.
     * It's still warm outside!
     *I have lately been filled with gratitude for the wealth of relationships I have surrounding me. Thinking about all the friends I have is like looking in a treasure chest of priceless gems. I am blessed beyond a reasonable measure and I feel loved.
Things that suck about life today:
     *My best friend is moving to Texas this Saturday.
     *Another grandpa is dying of cancer.
     *I weigh as much as I did before I started training for a half-marathon. That is sad.

Something is in the air.  Can't put my finger on it, but there are new things on the horizon, just out of view but definitely on the radar.I seriously can feel "winds of change". That sounds so corny, but it's accurate. I'm looking forward to a new chapter...

If you read my blog, I love you.

-B

Columbia Virtual Academy, for the win!

Friends, I do believe I have discovered the answer to most, if not all of the questions/comments/concerns I have regarding homeschooling: Columbia Virtual Academy.

The short version of this revelatory discovery is this: CVA is basically a state-funded "alternative learning experience".
I could try to wax eloquently about the overload of information that my eyes have taken in over the last few hours of scanning handbooks and FAQs and reviews, but I'm a little sleepy. So instead, I will just add a link to their page, and tell you that I am MAJORLY OVERJOYED AND EXCITED AND RELIEVED to jump in on this and see if it works for us :) .
So far I have taken the first step of submitting a request for an education counselor to call me back in a few days. In the meantime, flash cards, anyone?
Goodnite!

http://www.columbiavirtualacademy.org/

Week 2: sinus cold-1, homeschool 0

Okay, I know it's only Monday, err--Tuesday. But I'm not feeling nearly as potentially productive as I was last week. And that, unfortunately, is saying a lot. The good news is, in spite of feeling like my head was probably going to explode in a geiser of goo, 1.) I got Juby to her first ballet class on time (BARELY) 2.) Makayla is already starting to spell words on her own. Yeay! Wish me luck, or prayers, or learning, or something other than cartoons. Oy...

Breadstick crumbs in my lipgloss.

Today was interesting.
We had a rough start: Jubilee woke up at about 5:15am barfing chunks all over herself and her bedding. Justin heard her first, so he was already trying to comfort her when I stumbled through to help put her in the bath, wad up the nasty blankets, etc. Justin lovingly offered to take a family sick day to help me out in case the puking continued, as it usually does with our girls. Not to mention by the time the ordeal was done, it was about 5:40, and J is normally walking out the door by 5:45, but this morning he was covered in yesterday's dinner. Well, God must have looked down upon my already-pitiful cycle this week of potty training (more "potty" than training), because she ended up recovering quickly. She fell back to sleep on my lap, and I was also able to catch a wink or two.
After all that, J and I switched roles for the afternoon-him on kid duty and me out running errands and gettin ish done. Dropped off a load of crap at Goodwill, returned some things we hastily purchased the other day but didn't need, picked up some more school supplies, laundry soap and dryer sheets, groceries, full tank of gas, the rest of Juby's ballet accessories. It was so glorious to just be out n' about in the full sunshine, reminding myself to walk a little slower through the isles, take pictures in my mind's eye of the concrete jungle bathed in a golden glow.
I went to Target for a majority of my toiletries and whatnots. By the time I got there, I realized quite suddenly that I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and the coffee I was feverishly sipping just wasn't doing the trick. I really didn't wan't to eat at Target; why eat in a food court, Bea, when today and today only, you are a carefree young woman in a summer dress, just galavanting all over town, and you could legitimately choose from any of the number of the trendy coffee/sandwich shops that the city has to offer, stroller not included?  Well, because it's 3:30pm, the last time you ate was 8:30am, it's 85 degrees in the shade, and those personal pizzas are calling your name. I caved and bought the "pizza combo": it consists of a small pizza, a serving of breadsticks, and a drink. The pizza would have been plenty on it's own, but I'd already committed to the thing, so there I sat in the center of the Target fast food area, chomping down on a delicious personal pan-sized cheese pizza and crumbly but equally delicious breadsticks.
I was facing the entrance doors, so of course I commenced the peoplewatching.

And this is truly what I want to highlight about today: the gift God gave me today of having compassion again on my fellow humans.

I have always been sensitive and emotionally in tune with other people. For a long time it felt like a weakness. I would literally get all weepy about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G  at any given situation. Homeless kittens. Homeless kids. Sappy commercials. Violence. The general passage of time. Sometimes it was problematic, but as I got to know Jesus and His character, I would try to channel all that feeling into a productive prayer life, whatever that means. But after I went through a horribly unhealthy relationship in college, it was like a switch was flipped. I could not feel. I could not care. Even after that relationship ended, I was devastated by this emotional disconnect, but there wasn't anything I could do to remedy it. Over time, God healed whatever issues were causing this weird apathy, but it's never been the same. I find now that my level of concern and consideration for other people and the vast intricacies of humanity wavers back and forth for long seasons. All of that, to say that I am always so pleasantly surprised when I sense the familiar swelling of compassion in my soul, toward others.
It was so beautiful: witnessing the real-time orchestra of creatures who bear the image of God, each one holding out their notes in a delightfully disorganized cacaphony of moments. Tall people, short people, skinny people, fat people, kids, older folks, so many shades of skin. The pretty blonde mommy pushing her strawberry-haired and freckled little girl along. A college-aged couple sauntering through the doors, toting handmade ethnic satchels and keeping time with each other's steps. The middle-aged looking dude with a salty ponytail and t-shirt commemorating the 13th anniversary of something I could not decipher from where I sat. He grabbed a bag of Bugel chips from the $1 section.
The more I beheld all the faces and let my head become filled with wonder and amazement at each life, the more I could feel this longing to know each person. I imagined where they were going and where they were coming from. My heart beat a little faster.
I started to think about how confined we are, even in a crowd of people in a big department store. What if I just wandered over to the table of ladies a mere 4 feet from where I sat, and asked if they wanted a breadstick? Or if I had just casually invited some passerby to sit in one of the three empty seats at my table? What if someone detonated a bomb at the cash register and we were all suddenly brothers and sisters escaping falling bricks and flames? Does anyone else get to thinking this way?
As crazy as it probably looks and sounds at the time, I am so thankful for these gifts of loving people, of quietly wiping away tears while I browse the clearance sections and utter conversational prayers under my breath. I'm grateful that today, Target gave me more than just a small pizza and cheap laundry soap: there I also was able to find the time to think again. It's so much easier to storm through our world with brows furrowed and hearts filled with pain. To breath slowly, to catch eyes with a stranger and linger longer than just a glimpse, to put your feet in their shoes without asking what it will cost: these are the disciplines of selflessness that I always wrestle with. Today, praise God, was a small victory.

How am I doin' so far?

*Insert nervous laughter*

Homeschool adventures...

• Yes, I have chosen to homeschool my daughters, one jam-packed, learn-as-i-go year at a time.
• No, I don't have some fanatical, psycho-conservative plan to shelter my kids and brainwash them into little Jesus clones who take over the world with their highwater pants and strangely isolated senses of humor.
• No, I won't judge you if you are a stay-at-home mom who sends your kids to private or public school.
• No, I won't judge you if you are a working mom who sends your kids to private or public school. You just do you, boo. I'm doing what I think and hope and pray is right for us, and I seriously haven't the time, skills, or credibility to judge anybody else's lifestyle.
• Yes, I think that homeschooling will be the best thing for my kids this year, I am looking forward to learning right along with them.
• No, I haven't looked into co-ops and I don't plan to for this season. Thank you, well-meaning moms and friends, but I'm just playing it low-key for now. If that makes me a failure, well, bomb's away.
• No, I don't have a game plan beyond kindegarten.
• Yes I realize I need to make extra efforts to socialize my kids, encourage athletic activities, and make sure they are meeting xyz benchmarks from here to kingdom come so that they don't feel stunted or left behind or out of the loop or stupid or or or...
• Say it with me: Hakuna Matata.

This is in no way directed at anyone in particular--well that's not true, probably I'm referring to a few individuals, but they'll never be named, and I'm mostly compiling all the snippets of conversations and comments over the course of this past year, so don't worry. I just needed to get that out of the corner of my consciousness. Do I fear that I won't do this right, and some how my girls will miss out on some imperative thing that all little humans must learn to survive life? YES. Do I believe that I have the potential at least to teach a kid how to read, write, add, and subtract? YES. That's about as far as I've gotten, folks. I'll let you know when I figure anything else out.
This was week one:

• Chutes and Ladders
• Flash cards, flash cards, flash cards!
• Helping with baking
• Going to the fair tomorrow(farming education? ehhh, good enough for me)
• Making rainbows
• Story time
• A little assist from my dear friend Nick Jr.

One day at a time...

If I could turn back time...

...I'd go back to Wenatchee. What a blessed visit this was! I wish I had taken more pictures, but I was just so busy enjoying the moments :) 

Father n' son.

Picnic in the livingroom:why not?

I used to change this kid's diapers! Time flies...

Happy birthday! Happy Fourth! Happy Summer!

Me and my pretentious proclamations...

Hmm, How about a weekly "summa snapshot" post? I don't think we do enough exciting stuff around here to post an interesting photo EVERY DAY. But here are some highlights from the past week :)

smoothies and popcorn on the porch

Summer bee-day parties!

And my fave childhood pastime of the season: drinkin ice cold water from the hose :)

And now if you'll excuse me, it's pool party time. Happy Birthday Jubilee!

And the other thing is...

Sometimes, in moments when next year somehow seems like tomorrow, and milestones are whizzing past my head like a hornet, I just want to close my eyes and stop breathing. Would that the answer to my anxieties was that simple: to simply press the "pause" button on aging, bodily function, commitments, the time continuum itself. Oh, how sweet it sounds to my soul, to take one deep breath--inhale and exhale--and step outside the back door of my history. I want to be off of life's radar for just a day or even a few hours. I know that's not how it works, but I'm only human, and I'm not gonna lie, copping out does cross my mind from time to time. I can imagine myself in a serene, gray landscape, wandering aimlessly without fear, consequence, good or evil, happy or sad, late or on time. I'd just be floating on a plane of limitless volume, leaving no mark, just taking a time-out from the dryness of our planet. The closest I could come to such release right now is a long, deep sigh, and a well-made margarita. And maybe a huge cupcake. In the meantime, I'll settle for the deep sigh. Please don't read too much into this, I'm not losing my marbles or talking emo-crazy talk. This is just a few marbles that are knocking around in my noggin. I love life, truly. Pages and pages could be filled with accounts of the abundance of good things I've been given, and I have lived with more joy these days in just learning to be thankful, than any season of my life in the past before I began learning the painful lesson that the world's axis is not, in fact, directly correlated with my disposition. Come to think of it, I should probably fill some pages with the story of God's faithfulness to me. More to come...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...and the other thing is:
I'm challenging myself to take lots of pictures EVERY DAY this summer. I'm also going to try to post one (or two or three) snapshots of all the photopalooza here. Gives me a good excuse to put my two cents in the blogosphere machine on a regular basis, haha.
And in keeping with my usual fashionable tardiness, here are yesterday's and today's pic picks :) :

Yesterday...



And today, so far... :)

 Blessings,
Bea

Thought of the day...

I think the term "pregnancy scare" is hilarious. Here's an example of it used in a sentence, in case you aren't familiar with it: "So-and-so[guy] and I had a pregnancy scare last month."
I feel like the only people who should be allowed to use it are those of us who already have children, and can fully identify with the gravity of the having-kids-ness. You can't really be scared of it if you don't even know what you might be getting into in the first place. Nervous, maybe. Unprepared, usually. Scared? No, that comes AFTER you've already put in your hours at the "Newborn" party, and you imagine someone pressing the "replay" button on the whole "no-safe-zone-of-sleep-typing-with-one-hand-bottle-holding-with-the-other-sleeping-with-radio-set-to-white-noise-because-that-is-the-only-way-the-little-creature-will-rest-and-you-stop-changing-clothes-because-you-run-out-of-clothes-after-spit-up-change-number-6...but maybe that was just me, haha.
And no, there isn't any secret behind this train of thought. Just something that was rattling around in my brain after a conversation with a friend today.
I hope you all are soaking up this brief Northwest sunshine. :)
-B

Why hello, butt cheeks, I almost forgot about you back there!

I took a spin cycle/upper body sculpting class this morning. Kicked.my.buns. In a good way! Getting amped up for my first 1/2 marathon this weekend. . It's funny how I really hyped up this half-marathon thing in my mind, and when I first started training for it I would puff up my chest like "look at me, I run. I'm a RUNNER." But after a few casual head-nods from strangers at my random announcement that "I'm training for a 1/2 marathon," to which many would reply "wow, good for you(insert patronising tone), yeah I've done a few of those..."I think it's time set my sights on something bigger. Something more intense, like skydiving or something.I almost feel a little burnt out with the running. Not to say that it's become "easy" for me by any means; rather, my body was getting a little bored and I don't think I did enough cross training. Anyhoo, I'm making efforts to curb that boredom by participating in the awesome free classes at le gym. I finally braved a Zumba class with a friend, and it is the funnest thing since the Jazzercize(anyone else remember these) aerobics classes I used to tag along to with my mom back in the day. Maybe tomorrow I'll punch some things in a boxing group :).

It's the little things...

I found a treasure box of vintage sewing notions at the Salvation Army back home near Portland. It literally made my weekend.

It's a thimble! With a PINEAPPLE on it! {giggle!}

It was filled with vintage threads and stitch markers and hook-and-eye closures, several different colors of vintage bias tape, hand-sewing needles, and a plethora of unique buttons to add to my collection, among other little magical trinkets of handicraftness. I'm happy. :)