Had to Share...

I just ran across this "resume" in one of my oooold baby/parenting magazines this morning(Parenting magazine, Aug. 2006, article written by Suzanne Stipe Persaud):

[insert name here]
address, 123 123 lane
whereveryou are, WA 98303

OBJECTIVE     Obtain a position where I can utilize the diverse skills obtained in the fast-paced world of parenting.
EXPERIENCE      Waste-Management Consultant
(2001-present)         Dispose of more remains than Tony Soprano, including one-legged action figures and
 the art projects that "mysteriously" disappear in the middle of the night.
                               Engineer
                               (Practically) earned an advanced degree in toy assembly. Successfully completed the final project: assembling a ride-on pony at 2 a.m. on Christmas.
                              Detective
                              Solved hundreds of cases, including "The Mysterious Brown Stain on the Carpet" and "Who's Been Eating Mommy's Favorite Cookies?" Hope to crack the case " Midnight Appearance of the Toddler Dressed In Inside-Out and Upside-Down Pajamas."
                             Singer
                             Entertain small and large crowds with a diverse repertoire, ranging from the Blue's Clues theme song to the Rolling Stone's "(Can't Get No) Satisfaction."
                             Technician
                            Quickly, and with very little swearing, extract Legos from DVD player and pick pennies from between computer keys.
                            Food Scientist
                            Create well-balanced meals in which no item touches another, and instantaneously turn "peas" into "magic green grow pellets."
                           Actor
                           Realistically convey enthusiasm for up to three consecutive games of Go Fish. Emmy-worthy performances include "Good Job on the Potty!" and "Mommy's Not Mad, She Just Needs a Time-Out."
                          Coach
                          Lead my team to many successes, including sharing for longer than seven seconds

SKILLS            *Handling demanding bosses
                          *Tracking down lost blankets
                          *Distracting Hungry clients with only a set of keys and a travel pack of tissues
AWARDS       The Butterfly Kiss Award, the "I Wuv U" prize, and the coveted "Mommy, You're the Best" Honor

REFERENCES     Please contact two happy, healthy kids and one (mostly) satisfied husband.


That sums it up. :) And no, the format was not intentional. I tried to fix it, but that's just how my silly blog arranged it.
If I am as awesome as I think I am, I will post some pictures later of my recent craftyfull endeavors: little recycled notebooks, and junkmail paper beads!!
Love,
~Bea