I've Gotta Have You...

This weekend we celebrated the anniversary of the day I became a mom, a.k.a the the 5 year-old's birthday party. On that chilly October day 5 years ago, the sky split open in a flash of light and sweat and tears and breathless wonder. Upon my chest was placed the most terribly wonderful little creature I had ever laid eyes on: Makayla Joy Ensunsa. There was nothing in all of my existence that I could possibly liken or compare this moment to. I had previously thought that being pregnant was the craziest thing ever, that I could not possibly be more uncomfortable, more "inconvenienced",  more uncertain about what lay ahead from one day to the next for me. Little did I know, the journey of carrying her in my belly was but a shadow of the parenting paradox: to be given a treasure that you never want to let go of, only to find that to truly love it is to let it go. I have never been the same, and I wouldn't want to be. Oh, how I adore my sweet Kayla Joy. :)

Crackers.

Well,  it's been a while...And honestly I'm not ready to unpack all the things swirling in my head, but I still feel compelled to reach out into blogland and assert my sanity, to some degree. So instead of trying to make any kind of insightful point, I just want to unload the jumbalaya of life in it's present state.

House: thrashed.
Makayla's schoolworkings: to be continued.
Photos: never seem to finish being edited.
Kids: half-clothed.
Lightbrights:ALL OVER THE FLOOR.
Blanket forts: taking up the living room.
Bank account: mostly on "E"
crafts: what crafts?
Me: pajamas, coffee, and Cheese-its for breakfast.

In spite of overwhelming moments, God is SO VERY good and great and gracious. As I responded to a multiple little Facebook comments and inquiries from multiple friends and family members, I had to smile. What a blessing to be living life with people! I count myself a dearly loved person, knowing that at any given moment, by the grace and provision of God, I am hemmed in behind and before, and I couldn't be alone even if I wanted to. Years ago, I could not make such a statement with full confidence. Moreso than being known by people, though, I'm thankful for the revelation of being fully known AND embraced by my Creator. That right there is fantastic news and a salve for my soul, because I think I know myself pretty well, and even in my finite ability to understand things, I sure don't measure up to the high standards of worth and intelligence and beauty in this world. I matter to God, notwithstanding all the shortcomings, and I am finally finding joy in that.
 (I guess I was ready to unpack my feelings after all, funny how cathartic this bloggery is, huh? hehe).
Thanks for listening!

-B