New hairs.




 

Ta-da!

This is me being happy about my hair.



This is me being all, "see, my hair is a lot shorter than it used to be."



Stud.

Salad.

Sometimes I just wish I could eat myself into my plate of food.Maybe that is part of the comfort of having a food addiction: The idea that you could sort of hide amongst the folds of salad, becoming a part of something better and more desirable than yourself. Or maybe it's just easier to stuff my face than to formulate sensible conversations in big groups of people.

SOTD: Drew Grow and The Pastors' Wives - I Want You To Come Home

Today's song of the day:

Song of the Day:

OH and, today's Song of the Day is:

Hospital Beds-Cold War Kids

Workin' for the weekend...

Drumroll please...I finally opened an Etsy shop!
::Drumroll fizzles into silence::
Ok ok, I'm trying to think positive thoughts. It is by the unmerited favor of God alone that I should accomplish anything with my brief life; even something as seemingly insignificant and self-serving as an online store where I sew recycled things together and try to make a buck.
Don't get me wrong: I actually like what I'm doing. Childish and embarrassed as I feel to admit it, I LOVE crafts. I take pleasure in organizing and reorganizing my little plastic organizer drawers, rotating projects, coloring with crayons, making up songs in my head, gluing random things together, etc. I am among the fortunate few who...simply never really grow out of the preschool-art phase. Why do I feel embarrassed about finding delight and purpose in these handmade gifts? Not trying to spin a sob story here, but when I reflect on the spirit and nature of my childhood, this feeling makes sense to me. When I was younger, and on through high school, it was never really "cool" or "in" to play by yourself. Instead of embracing my propensity to engage in more creative activities, which quite often led to me being in my own world,  I sulked and felt inadequate because I wasn't athletic and didn't excel in any particular subject. And when I allow my subconscious to give in to this societal pressure to "BE SOMEBODY" or "MAKE A DIFFERENCE", I look down at my little assortment of buttons and patterns with shame. I think to myself, "I'm just wasting time, wasting space..." No, I don't always give into this mindset. And I'm not depressed or searching for validation from people (well, maybe sometimes). I guess I'm just sending this thought out into the ether somewhere: I don't want to waste my life!
So help me, God, in spite of this discouragement or paranoia that what I'm doing is insignificant, I will praise the name of the Lord with my talents. I will bring honor to my husband's head with the returns of his brave investment in my entrepreneurial endeavors. I will try my hardest not to neglect my babies. And hopefully at the end of the day, we'll still make a buck just for kicks. :)
You can look at my little handmade treasures here:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Jubilicious

In other news, hubs and I just celebrated our 5th anniversary!! I think that folks who have kids right out of the park should get an honorary cheat code to skip to level 10, or something like that. Seeeeriously, it feels like its been THAT long...
Anyway, cheers to us!
To Justin:
It really does boil down to this: 6 days or eternity.
Love,Wifey <3

Sometimes, that's just the way it is.

Do I want to go to bed right now? No.
Do I want to be exhausted from lack of sleep when the kids wake up in the morning? No.
I'll tell you what I really want to do:
First, I want to put on athletic clothes and run to the local 24-Hr Fitness, sweat off the cheeseburger I scarfed for dinner, take a quik shower and head home. Then, I want to slip into some comfies and sit down to my art table to create the silly button rings I've been wistfully dreaming about. While doing that, I want to be sipping hot coffee or Christmas tea, while listening to the smooth, inspirational sound of rain falling outside of my open window, soaking up a cool night breeze.Then I'd pass out at 2am, having satiated my hunger for a completed project, and sleep till about 10am...Just had to get that off my chest.
What's really gonna happen is: I'm going to stare at my gravelly-looking face for a second or two in the mirror, splash some water on it, and feel guilty for being too lazy to actually wash my face.Then I'll brush my teeth, put on some sweatpants and slip into bed, thinking to myself "Ick, I really needed to change the sheets." Lights out till 7am. Pause.grind.repeat.

What is man that You are mindful of him?

Weekend in the woods.

I want to be...

I want to be the mom who spends QUALITY time with her kids.
I want to be the wife who doesn't turn every conflict into a soap opera.
I want to be the friend who is like a sister to you.
I want to be the sister whom you can call your "best friend".
I want to be an artist who cares more about art, and less about status quo.
I want to be the daughter who makes her daddy proud.
I want to know what it feels like to move a mountain with my faith.
And I could really go for some pizza.

Laura Veirs - "Don't lose yourself"

Tomorrow.

I just realized that I am always waiting for tomorrow:
*"Tomorrow my food stamps kick in!"
*"Tomorrow I'll start exercising regularly"
*"Starting tomorrow, I'll wash my face every day"
*"Tomorrow I'll find out what I need to do to get back in school"
*"I'll finish that project tomorrow"

This attitude of discontentment and procrastination has played out, naturally, in motherhood:
*"I promise tomorrow we'll [insert broken promise here--'play the cherry game', 'make cookies', 'bring out the paints', 'go to the park', etc.]"
*"Tomorrow I will try harder not to lose my temper"
*"Tomorrow we'll work on potty training"
*"I'll pay more attention to Juby tomorrow"

I'm so sad about this revelation. I feel like I have spent the last 4 years in Tomorrowland, and what have I gained? Mostly disappointment, late fees, wasted oppertunities, and regret. Somehow, in spite of the fact that this day is already half-over, I am willing myself to get the hell out of the land of "some day." Tomorrow may never come. Today is still here. Oh Jesus, help me make the most of all this breathing!
Today I'll wash my face.
Today I'll spend at least an hour just reveling in the presence of my vibrant little miracle children.
Today, we paint.
Today, I'll make at least one thing, start to finish.
Today, I'll call my mom.
Today I'll return our library books.
And that's all I'm going to put on my plate for now.

Auto Parts.

I had a WONDERFUL weekend! Spent time in the company of one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, and enjoyed basking in the sweetness of reconciliation after a long season of separation. AND I got to take some pictures of an old abandoned-looking (I say that because there's a possibility someone still lives on this property, who knows?) Auto shop--something I have been dreaming of doing since I first laid eyes on the spot several years ago. I felt so adventurous: there were "NO TRESPASSING" signs all over the place, and I almost expected an older, larger, gentleman, clad in dusty suspenders, to accost me and kick me off his dilapidated lot. But lucky for me, such was not the case. Happy day!

Elizabeth

This is my first "official" photo shoot! Woo hoo! And what a beautiful subject to start with!Taking pictures is easy when the person you're photographing is just naturally photogenic ;) I love you, Elizabeth! Happy 16th!

I finally made some stuff.

More to come--No, really! And not in the "I'm saying 'more to come' because I feel insecure about what I actually made, but I'm not going to actually get around to posting anything new for another 6 months" kind of way.

I have finally broken through this weird crafty version of writer's block that I've been suffering from for YEARS.

And these are the first fruits of my labor:

Ta-da!

OH, and:

Behold, the Kai-lan cake. The other day Makayla woke up and said "Mommy, can we make a Kai-lan cake?" Her little jewel eyes searching my before-coffee morning face. Normally, when I consider the level of difficulty and effort and clean-up these little requests entail, I toss out some kind of excuse like "Oh, mommy doesn't have the stuff to make a cake today," or "Maybe! We'll see..." The kind of balogna that toddlers can see right through. But I just couldn't bring myself to rain on her parade. So off I went to the grocery store, to buy a box of cake mix and powdered sugar. Several hours and puddles of frosting later, my masterpiece was complete. I'd just like to note that I made this thing with NO pattern or instructions, not even any conventional frosting tools; just a butter knife, a medicine dropper, and a picture from the internet. I'm not gonna lie; I'm pretty friggin' proud of myself for this one. :)

He is all I can think about.

Thoughts On Being Refined

There's a busted lamp in the corner


Where the light of life used to glow

And I'm finally realizing that I have been living in the dark

What will I do about all this wasted time?

How many ways can I fail before I fly?



I'm not interested in me any more

I don't need to find myself

I don't want to know who I am, I can see right through me

There will never be a better day than this

To let you do the talking



After all of this soul-searching, the only things I've found

are a lot of choked out, half-ass promises

Promising to be somebody worth dying for

Promising to make a mark that no one would forget

But I think now the only impression that should last

is the one that paints me hanging on to the fold of your robe

Utterly Awesome.

I've always secretly wanted to start up a blog, so I figured it might be best to start it on a day in which I had something significant to blog about--other than the usual cycle of diaper changing, cracker-passing, nose-wiping static that is my reality. And then, the day came and went, but I'll write about it anyway, because I'm oh so curious to find out if anyone out there in cyberland might be brave enough to comment with a story of similar circumstances.
The other day I took my hubby, Justin, to work in the morning, so that I could have the car and take the kids out and about for the day. We have this great library right up the street that I've been meaning to check out, so we went there first. I got my new library card all set up, and spent some quality time with my little girls, reading books and playing with puzzles in the children's section of the library. I picked out a couple kid's movies, and MK picked two books to check out. We went up to the front desk to check our materials out, and I asked the unusually friendly library staff person if she could place a hold on a book for me. Everything was going so well, it was a lovely start to the day. We headed back out to the car. I set our stuff on top the car while I buckled JB in, then went around to the other side to help MK with her seatbelt, and then we were off. One problem: I had forgotten the books and movies on top of the car. I didn't remember this until I heard a distinct rumbling sound outside the car, and glanced in the rearview mirror in time to realize that my library books and movies were now lying helplessly in the middle of the road!! I panicked. I immediately pulled into the very next parking lot, locked the doors, and got out. Here I am on the curb on a busy street with four lanes of zooming traffic. It happened to be a dead moment, but I stood there, puzzled, contemplating how I was going to retrieve these things from the street. Should I run out there and grab one piece at a time? Should I flag someone down? Should I just see what I can grab before cars start flying through again? Before I could decide, the first car demolished the Strawberry Shortcake DVD like a Wheat Thin cracker. Miraculously, though the case was crushed, the movie itself flew out of the case unscathed. Without thinking, I jumped out into the street, grabbing the flattened case and DVD, and stood in the turn lane while another vehicle whizzed past me going the opposite direction. I got back onto the sidewalk, just in time to watch in horror as the first book was destroyed. CRUNCH, flutter flutter, CRUNCH, flutter flutter--the wounded book caught some air and landed roughly about 10 feet from where it had originally fallen. It was blown open and a set of pages took flight a few more feet down the road. My heart sunk. I wanted to puke. Simultaneously, the first book was crunched and wrinkled a few more times, while the other book lying in the lane of traffic heading the opposite direction suffered it's first big blow. By that time there was nothing I could do: my kids were still in the car, and the books were clearly demolished beyond repair at this point. I sulked back to the car, full of despair, feeling like the captain of the idiot squad. "What happened?" MK inquired ever so innocently.
"Mommy made a big mistake. I saved Strawberry Shortcake, but I forgot about the books on the car, and they got ruined. I'm so sorry."
"It's ok, Mommy, it was just an accident. We'll just get some more books."
I felt a little relief as I let the swift forgiveness of a child sink in. But I still mostly wanted to puke.
As soon as I got home, I looked up the books on Amazon.com, hoping to find a good deal on copies of the books that were just mutilated before my eyes. Sure enough, they were easy to find, I just haven't gotten that far yet. I'm praying that the library will be gracious if I just buy copies of the materials and give them back as payment for the ones that were destroyed. Now, if I could just muster up enough courage to actually call the library...